Technical faults... not a very creative excuse.

Last week Malta experienced a total blackout. We were left without electricity and water, since that is supplied directly from the reverse osmosis plant, which requires electricity... for ten hours and a half. That’s right! And the reason was the usual, inexplicable "technical fault". As workaholics, all Andre’ and I could think about was finishing translations and reports, missed deadlines and meetings... while everyone else was either at the beach or enjoying a candle-lit dinner on the balcony. Tonight our phone has gone dead. The customer care department of the phone company is closed, so there isn’t much we can do but report the fault and wait. As usual.

Looking back on all the “technical faults” I’ve experienced in my three years (already that long?!) on the rock, I’ve had my share of funny adventures...

When we first moved in together, in a rented flat, we immediately had Andre’s internet connection transferred from his parents’ house to our new (extremely small and ugly) “blue bubble” (I don’t know what got into us renting that thing, every single wall was painted baby blue). After three weeks of angry phone calls, the phone company realised there was still an active connection on that line, operated by a different provider. We tried to contact this provider, we even went to their offices, but there wasn’t much they could do: the previous tenant hadn’t paid his bills and had fled the country (turns out it was some Japanese wacko)... After lots of whining (that would be me!), they finally solved this “technical fault” by suspending the active account. My first taste of Maltese “technical nonsense”!

When we bought this apartment and moved in, parts of the building hadn’t been completed, so no one had noticed there was no common phone box. It took both the contractor and the phone company a fortnight to realise the building was not connected to the main grid. When they finally did, they sent me two technicians who didn’t speak English. All I understood was ‘bejt’, which means roof, so I took them there and had a short conversation on my Maltese lessons, that was as far as my knowledge of Maltese went. After a painful silence, they created a temporary connection, which they then forgot to replace. Until we pointed it out, after many “technical faults”, which slowed down our internet connection...

Just a few months ago we were left without water for four days (that’s right, four days!). In Malta we have water tanks on the roof, which are usually filled automatically, but not when there is a “technical fault”, of course. Luckily, the water company offers a bowser service. The first time we asked them to fill up our tank the workmen struggled a bit to open it, but ultimately managed to supply our much-awaited water. The second time I figured I had become an expert, so I decided to do it myself: tiny blonde girl climbed on the roof and filled up her own tank with a huge hose, while the neighbours were looking on. Girl power!

A short message to Enemalta: be more creative when we phone you to report yet another problem... We’ve had it with “technical faults”. And to GO: as much as I love Maltese, English is an official language in this country... at least teach your technicians some useful keywords, like... I don’t know... “phone” for starters!

PS: to all readers who’ve had it with my sarcasm and criticism, try living in the Med for a while. You’ll discover the most amazing scenery and lifestyle, but the most annoying laissez-faire attitude. Nevertheless, you’ll fall in love with the whole package, despite sometimes feeling slightly frustrated.

Italy vs. Malta: account of an Easter break

Being half Italian, I love spending my holidays in Italy. Andre’ and I try to go to Northern Italy twice a year to enjoy the good food, wine and company of friends and family. Last week we had a great Easter break in the Veneto region.

We’re frequent travellers and we’ve tried quite a few airlines over the years. We love Air Malta, because it’s efficient and offers a great service, including in-flight meals, a luxury nowadays. However, as our destination is serviced by a low-cost airline and Air Malta’s prices have failed to drop despite the financial crisis, we’ve had to lower our standards and go for the cheaper option: Ryanair.

I’m not a fussy traveller, but I like comfort and efficiency. Ryanair is known for its no-frills service, but is reliable in terms of timeliness and baggage handling. Its passengers, however, still have a lot to learn! Ryanair doesn’t assign seat numbers, which is acceptable given its low fares (mind you, not always… book late and you’re stuck with higher prices than scheduled flights, partly because of all the additional costs: checked-in baggage, credit-card payments etc.). The Maltese are known for their orderly attitude towards queueing: they form a straight line and patiently await their turn. The Italians, however, tend to be a little more… how shall I put this? Pushy, literally! And once they’ve showed their boarding card at the gate, they break into a sprint… because you never know… the plane might just take off without them!

Suitability as travel companions: Italians: 0 – Maltese: 1

Andre’ and I spent our holiday at my parents’ house, in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by hills. We love it there: the weather is great, the people are amazingly friendly and the food is fresh and delicious. As we both work with computers all day, we were looking forward to a week without internet access… It was not to be. My father has been trying to get internet access in our holiday home for years and this year, after our neighbours had finally managed to secure their adsl connection, he was determined not to leave without an active connection. He had heard about “internet keys”, a kind of USB contraption which is quite popular in Italy. We signed a contract for a “chiavetta Tre” and kept our fingers crossed. After six days of phoning the help desk and several trips to the outlet which sold us the device, we had to give up… No refund, despite all the European regulations which supposedly protect consumers, no explanation as to why the gadget just won’t work and no apology for the crappy service…

IT and customer care: Italians: 0 – Maltese: 1

Pizza… it’s our favourite food! And what better place to enjoy it than Italy? Think again! On Easter Monday we decided to go for a stroll in Padova, where we had lunch in a La Lanterna, a pizzeria in one of the main squares. The prices were average, the interior below average and the food simply disgusting: soggy and tasteless. Then the coup de grâce: burnt espresso. After a long walk to digest that inedible goo, we went to one of the best ice-cream parlours in the city centre for a slush… or so we thought. We were given a plastic cup containing coloured liquid with lemon flavour. No ice anywhere in sight.

Pizza and ice cream: Italians: 0 – Maltese: 1

We had a great holiday. We love Italy and are definitely looking forward to our next trip in summer, but we must admit we were very relieved when the plane touched ground in Malta and all the passengers clapped their hands… the Ryanair tradition. Or maybe just a way to say “thank God we’re home”.