Help: crazy Gizmo on the loose!!

As many of you know, about a year ago Andre’ and I decided it was time for the next step in our relationship… We had just bought our beautiful apartment and wanted it to feel like home. Babies are definitely part of our “plan”, but we wanted a “test baby” first and so on a sunny day in March 2008 Gizmo walked into our life and home. Little did we know a baby would’ve been the easier and cheaper option.

We immediately fell head over heels for our chubby black labrador retriever with mischievous eyes. He was the only one of the bunch hiding under the sofa, falling asleep on his uncle Jason’s hand and looking at us with that adorable grin we now identify as the “don’t-leave-me-on-my-own-or-I’ll-destroy-whatever-I-can-find” look.

The first weeks were hell, but we didn’t mind. It was, after all, a new adventure we had been looking forward to. No matter how often we used to walk him, Gizmo would pee and poo all over the apartment, proudly looking up at his masters after every one of his many toilet breaks. Meanwhile, he’s learned our home is not a 130 sqm public toilet, but some of his bad habits remain.

Gizmo likes chewing. He chews everything, from shoes (including my favourite Morgan stilettos) to chairs, quilts and carpets. His most impressive and expensive chew toys so far include a mobile phone, Andre’s passport (much to the amusement of the public servants who had to replace it for him two days before he was due to leave on a business trip), a remote control, two pairs of glasses and my lemon tree.

Another issue is his jumping craze. He’s always liked jumping up at visitors to express his joy at welcoming them into our (or should I say “his”?) home, but lately he’s become like a high jumper, aiming for our face and trying to attack joggers in the garden.

Walking is supposed to be the easiest thing to teach a lab according to our specialised book… We’ve tried all possible chains, collars and harnesses on the market, nothing seems to stop Gizmo from dragging us along. I weigh only a few kilos more than him, so walking him is quite a feat, to say the least. Once I was nearly hit by a car, another time I fell and bruised my leg.

Despite what everyone thinks, we really do try to train him. We scold him whenever he does something we disapprove of, but somehow he just won’t understand. He thinks it’s all a game… and every chase and punishment turns into a face-licking session. We’ve heard of obedience classes in Malta being organised on Wednesday evenings, but to be honest we’re exhausted after a day of work and the last thing we want to do is break an arm trying to keep Gizmo from chasing all his “classmates”.

Any tips or ideas? Any similar experiences? Help us, we’re at our wits’ end…