Amy’s SUMMER ABC for tourists travelling to Malta

A – ALCOHOL. “Language students” (a.k.a. kids who tell their parents they desperately need to learn English in an English-speaking country, but really just want to party in the Med) think it’s ok to get pissed every night and leave cans all over the streets, shout, sing, walk in the middle of the road and… did I mention get pissed? Well kids, it’s NOT ok! I was young once too, but please have some respect!

B – BEACHES. Keep them clean. I don’t particularly enjoy walking on pieces of glass, used condoms and pizza slices. Thanks for your understanding.

C – CISK, our beer. It’s pronounced /tsjisk/. At least TRY to pronounce it correctly.

D – DIVING. I’m too scared to try it, but if you’re a fan, make sure you do it safely. We’ve already had far too many accidents this year – and it’s only June.

E – EXILES, a great beach with a nice atmosphere in Sliema: not to be missed!

F – FREE. Nothing’s free in Malta. If they tell you it’s free, there’s a catch, so beware!

G – GOZO. No trip to Malta is complete without a stopover on our sister island. Enjoy the peace and tranquillity...

H – HOTELS. Their rates are very competitive, but why not try something different, like a farmhouse with a pool or a house of character overlooking Grand Harbour?

I – INTERNET ACCESS. Not bad, but not spectacular. Power cuts and internet malfunctions are quite common, especially in summer. Be prepared!

J – JELLYFISH. There’s plenty of them this year, so be careful. A “Friends” episode suggests peeing on the skin to relieve the pain caused by a sting, but I suggest sticking to ammonia pens.

K – KINNIE, the best drink in the world! Try it!

L – LEFT. We drive on the left. Most of the time anyway.

M – MDINA, definitely worth a visit. Remember it’s called “the Silent City”: try to keep it that way, that’s part of its magic.

N – NAP, as in siesta. Many shops close between 1 and 4 pm. Why not have a little nap while waiting from them to open? That’s what most of us end up doing when the heat becomes unbearable.

O – ODD. While walking around in Malta, you might discover lots of odd sites and scenes. Keep you camera handy.

P – PASTIZZI: you can call them “cheesecakes” as well. Available with ricotta or pea filling.

Q - This is a glottal stop in Maltese, but if you’re not sure about the pronunciation, don’t stay in Qrendi or Qormi, but find accommodation in a locality you can pronounce!

R – ROADS. I’ve blogged about it before and I’ll keep repeating it until the ADT does something about it: potholes, bloody potholes. Drive SLOWLY and keep your eyes on the road surface!

S – STUDYING. Many come here to study English, but very few succeed. Choose your school carefully and attend your lectures. It’s very easy to get trapped in the party lifestyle Maltese summers are famous for…

T – TOURIST OFFICE. It’s in Valletta, next to City Gate and offers lots of information, including brochures and free maps. Check it out!

U – U-TURNS. The Maltese are not the best drivers and U-turns are their favourite manoeuvre, so careful if you rent a car!

V – VALLETTA. Discover the magic of the “city built by gentlemen for gentlemen”. Wear comfortable shoes (you’ll understand why once you get there).

W – WAVES. When they’re high, they’re REALLY high and DANGEROUS. This one goes out to those who think they can swim when the MET Office tells us not to: they’re not joking! Our armed forces are very busy intercepting illegal immigrants, so please do not distract them.

X – it’s pronounced /sj/ in Maltese. Remember this once and for all when trying to explain you’re looking for the bus to Xemxija, Marsaxlokk or Ta’ Xbiex!

Y – YACHT MARINAS. You don’t need to have a boat to enjoy them: Portomaso is the place to be for a glass of wine or a romantic meal overlooking rich people’s yachts.

Z – ZEST in Spinola Bay. It’s rumoured to be the best sushi restaurant on the island. Haven’t tried it yet, but I’m tempted to do so very, very soon!

Italy vs. Malta: account of an Easter break

Being half Italian, I love spending my holidays in Italy. Andre’ and I try to go to Northern Italy twice a year to enjoy the good food, wine and company of friends and family. Last week we had a great Easter break in the Veneto region.

We’re frequent travellers and we’ve tried quite a few airlines over the years. We love Air Malta, because it’s efficient and offers a great service, including in-flight meals, a luxury nowadays. However, as our destination is serviced by a low-cost airline and Air Malta’s prices have failed to drop despite the financial crisis, we’ve had to lower our standards and go for the cheaper option: Ryanair.

I’m not a fussy traveller, but I like comfort and efficiency. Ryanair is known for its no-frills service, but is reliable in terms of timeliness and baggage handling. Its passengers, however, still have a lot to learn! Ryanair doesn’t assign seat numbers, which is acceptable given its low fares (mind you, not always… book late and you’re stuck with higher prices than scheduled flights, partly because of all the additional costs: checked-in baggage, credit-card payments etc.). The Maltese are known for their orderly attitude towards queueing: they form a straight line and patiently await their turn. The Italians, however, tend to be a little more… how shall I put this? Pushy, literally! And once they’ve showed their boarding card at the gate, they break into a sprint… because you never know… the plane might just take off without them!

Suitability as travel companions: Italians: 0 – Maltese: 1

Andre’ and I spent our holiday at my parents’ house, in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by hills. We love it there: the weather is great, the people are amazingly friendly and the food is fresh and delicious. As we both work with computers all day, we were looking forward to a week without internet access… It was not to be. My father has been trying to get internet access in our holiday home for years and this year, after our neighbours had finally managed to secure their adsl connection, he was determined not to leave without an active connection. He had heard about “internet keys”, a kind of USB contraption which is quite popular in Italy. We signed a contract for a “chiavetta Tre” and kept our fingers crossed. After six days of phoning the help desk and several trips to the outlet which sold us the device, we had to give up… No refund, despite all the European regulations which supposedly protect consumers, no explanation as to why the gadget just won’t work and no apology for the crappy service…

IT and customer care: Italians: 0 – Maltese: 1

Pizza… it’s our favourite food! And what better place to enjoy it than Italy? Think again! On Easter Monday we decided to go for a stroll in Padova, where we had lunch in a La Lanterna, a pizzeria in one of the main squares. The prices were average, the interior below average and the food simply disgusting: soggy and tasteless. Then the coup de grâce: burnt espresso. After a long walk to digest that inedible goo, we went to one of the best ice-cream parlours in the city centre for a slush… or so we thought. We were given a plastic cup containing coloured liquid with lemon flavour. No ice anywhere in sight.

Pizza and ice cream: Italians: 0 – Maltese: 1

We had a great holiday. We love Italy and are definitely looking forward to our next trip in summer, but we must admit we were very relieved when the plane touched ground in Malta and all the passengers clapped their hands… the Ryanair tradition. Or maybe just a way to say “thank God we’re home”.