Amy’s SUMMER ABC for tourists travelling to Malta

A – ALCOHOL. “Language students” (a.k.a. kids who tell their parents they desperately need to learn English in an English-speaking country, but really just want to party in the Med) think it’s ok to get pissed every night and leave cans all over the streets, shout, sing, walk in the middle of the road and… did I mention get pissed? Well kids, it’s NOT ok! I was young once too, but please have some respect!

B – BEACHES. Keep them clean. I don’t particularly enjoy walking on pieces of glass, used condoms and pizza slices. Thanks for your understanding.

C – CISK, our beer. It’s pronounced /tsjisk/. At least TRY to pronounce it correctly.

D – DIVING. I’m too scared to try it, but if you’re a fan, make sure you do it safely. We’ve already had far too many accidents this year – and it’s only June.

E – EXILES, a great beach with a nice atmosphere in Sliema: not to be missed!

F – FREE. Nothing’s free in Malta. If they tell you it’s free, there’s a catch, so beware!

G – GOZO. No trip to Malta is complete without a stopover on our sister island. Enjoy the peace and tranquillity...

H – HOTELS. Their rates are very competitive, but why not try something different, like a farmhouse with a pool or a house of character overlooking Grand Harbour?

I – INTERNET ACCESS. Not bad, but not spectacular. Power cuts and internet malfunctions are quite common, especially in summer. Be prepared!

J – JELLYFISH. There’s plenty of them this year, so be careful. A “Friends” episode suggests peeing on the skin to relieve the pain caused by a sting, but I suggest sticking to ammonia pens.

K – KINNIE, the best drink in the world! Try it!

L – LEFT. We drive on the left. Most of the time anyway.

M – MDINA, definitely worth a visit. Remember it’s called “the Silent City”: try to keep it that way, that’s part of its magic.

N – NAP, as in siesta. Many shops close between 1 and 4 pm. Why not have a little nap while waiting from them to open? That’s what most of us end up doing when the heat becomes unbearable.

O – ODD. While walking around in Malta, you might discover lots of odd sites and scenes. Keep you camera handy.

P – PASTIZZI: you can call them “cheesecakes” as well. Available with ricotta or pea filling.

Q - This is a glottal stop in Maltese, but if you’re not sure about the pronunciation, don’t stay in Qrendi or Qormi, but find accommodation in a locality you can pronounce!

R – ROADS. I’ve blogged about it before and I’ll keep repeating it until the ADT does something about it: potholes, bloody potholes. Drive SLOWLY and keep your eyes on the road surface!

S – STUDYING. Many come here to study English, but very few succeed. Choose your school carefully and attend your lectures. It’s very easy to get trapped in the party lifestyle Maltese summers are famous for…

T – TOURIST OFFICE. It’s in Valletta, next to City Gate and offers lots of information, including brochures and free maps. Check it out!

U – U-TURNS. The Maltese are not the best drivers and U-turns are their favourite manoeuvre, so careful if you rent a car!

V – VALLETTA. Discover the magic of the “city built by gentlemen for gentlemen”. Wear comfortable shoes (you’ll understand why once you get there).

W – WAVES. When they’re high, they’re REALLY high and DANGEROUS. This one goes out to those who think they can swim when the MET Office tells us not to: they’re not joking! Our armed forces are very busy intercepting illegal immigrants, so please do not distract them.

X – it’s pronounced /sj/ in Maltese. Remember this once and for all when trying to explain you’re looking for the bus to Xemxija, Marsaxlokk or Ta’ Xbiex!

Y – YACHT MARINAS. You don’t need to have a boat to enjoy them: Portomaso is the place to be for a glass of wine or a romantic meal overlooking rich people’s yachts.

Z – ZEST in Spinola Bay. It’s rumoured to be the best sushi restaurant on the island. Haven’t tried it yet, but I’m tempted to do so very, very soon!